I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
