I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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