So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vagina is officially offended.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
