She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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