Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize