You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
