What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
