I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
