Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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