Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
