It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
