i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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