Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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