Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
