Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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