If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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