Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize