Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
