I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
