It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
