I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they call him Oral-B. enough said
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
