Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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