He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would ride that face into the sunset
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize