When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
