does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
