Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We have started to decorate penises.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
