Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
