So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize