Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
