I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
