good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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