We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
