If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
