Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
