I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
