The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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