The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ttyl tear gas
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
