i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
