My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
