I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
