Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
