Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
wow bdsm is so cute
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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