it was like his penis was on wheels.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
