Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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