Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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