i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize