Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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