All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
