it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
