It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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