I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
