You just made me feel so damn special
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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