I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
