He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
