am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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