i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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