I bet he comes in French.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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