apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
