I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
did i just pee glitter
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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