Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
