I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
this hospital has no fireball
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
