im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
