saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
