finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
