just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize