Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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