So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
