i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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