just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
