benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
