Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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