omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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