I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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