Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize