connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize