yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
