margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
