My pussy is not your playground.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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