I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
