then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
