I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Come see our sink grown plant.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
