....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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