Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
