So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
