Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
