I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
