I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
