Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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