the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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