I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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