My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
