Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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