What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
