I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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