all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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