You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
