please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
