very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
