my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
